lost. thats what i feel again and again.
this blog is more an attempt to find myself through the good and not so good days of life as they unfold.hope i can find myself soon before i lose everything.
i want to be frank and honest with myself .
okay,now what do we have here.
I am a 5 feet 120 lb female married for almost 6 years. born and brought up in India.complexion dark.education masters in science.attempted to do phd but married and moved to US by the second year of phd. kids.... 1 daughter who turns 5 this july.job none as of now, that make a stay at home mom............do i like it no.
what i like abt it...................nothing.
always teased and bullied from kindergarden to university....why? too short and too dark.but i have seen guys darker than me survive and be happy.
i am happy that i did my masters but regret that i left my phd after working so hard to get my fellowship(csir).
i am not rich nor poor....at least not as poor as we were in the first years of marriage.do i like it? no.
i am happy that i am not poor though having more more would enable me to buy things or go places i want to.
i cant drive.......so i cant go anywhere by myself which i hate a lot more since hubby n kid are homebuddies while i like seeing new places.
my regular outing..............walmart,heb or costco for groceries n stuff ................. though i would like a trip to the lake or park,a flea market more appealing.
why i dont drive..................bcos i dont trust a stranger to teach me driving ..................i am scarred for life after being molested by people i trusted. hubby does not know abt it .....................but he has no time to teach me how to drive.
what do i like to do?
i used to write poetry and short stories. but not anymore. why? i donno. ijust do not feel like it anymore.
i used to draw a lot.i was pretty good at still life and abstract. now i dont draw at all.
i was not bad at bead jewellry..............but lost interest in it when hubby started complaining that i spend more than i make.
job? i had one until i was laid off . never applied again bcos my kid was not happy in a day care setting.wish to l get out once she goes to school fulltime.and that will be after this august.
until then i need to survive.
this blog is more an attempt to find myself through the good and not so good days of life as they unfold.hope i can find myself soon before i lose everything.
i want to be frank and honest with myself .
okay,now what do we have here.
I am a 5 feet 120 lb female married for almost 6 years. born and brought up in India.complexion dark.education masters in science.attempted to do phd but married and moved to US by the second year of phd. kids.... 1 daughter who turns 5 this july.job none as of now, that make a stay at home mom............do i like it no.
what i like abt it...................nothing.
always teased and bullied from kindergarden to university....why? too short and too dark.but i have seen guys darker than me survive and be happy.
i am happy that i did my masters but regret that i left my phd after working so hard to get my fellowship(csir).
i am not rich nor poor....at least not as poor as we were in the first years of marriage.do i like it? no.
i am happy that i am not poor though having more more would enable me to buy things or go places i want to.
i cant drive.......so i cant go anywhere by myself which i hate a lot more since hubby n kid are homebuddies while i like seeing new places.
my regular outing..............walmart,heb or costco for groceries n stuff ................. though i would like a trip to the lake or park,a flea market more appealing.
why i dont drive..................bcos i dont trust a stranger to teach me driving ..................i am scarred for life after being molested by people i trusted. hubby does not know abt it .....................but he has no time to teach me how to drive.
what do i like to do?
i used to write poetry and short stories. but not anymore. why? i donno. ijust do not feel like it anymore.
i used to draw a lot.i was pretty good at still life and abstract. now i dont draw at all.
i was not bad at bead jewellry..............but lost interest in it when hubby started complaining that i spend more than i make.
job? i had one until i was laid off . never applied again bcos my kid was not happy in a day care setting.wish to l get out once she goes to school fulltime.and that will be after this august.
until then i need to survive.
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